Microsoft angers millions by announcing new console

Microsoft just announced via jpeg that the company will be revealing a new Xbox on May 21st this year. Microsoft bigwig and math teacher impersonator, Don Mattrick, will be hosting the event. He is expected to smirk a lot.

Xbox Event

The news comes on the heels of Sony’s Playstation 4 reveal this past February. Some are saying that Microsoft stole the idea of creating a new console from Sony, who clearly thought of it first. It has been speculated that Microsoft began work on the third Xbox as soon as the PS4 conference had ended. If true, the extra time will have given the company nearly four months to steal all of Sony’s ideas for the Playstation 4. Don’t be surprised if the next Xbox features things like RAM and video games.

While some are angry at Microsoft’s blatant plagiarism of ideas, others are furious that the company would release a new console so quickly. It’s been just under 7.5 years since the Xbox 360 was released. Many people that bought the console in 2005 are furious that Microsoft would devalue their property so quickly without asking them first.

“When I bought the Xbox [360] I was making a lifetime investment,” said perturbed Louisiana resident, Skeeter King. “I had to buy at least 3 of ’em so it shoulda lasted me three lifetimes!”

“You know they’re only making another one for the money,” said enlightened twitter user, @IsntChrisL.

Regardless of Microsoft’s intentions, the company seems to be serious about moving forward with this new Xbox idea. The console has been heavily-rumored to require a constant online connection to play games. King was not pleased to hear this news. “I tried to connect my Xbox to the America Online but the damn phone cable wouldn’t fit, ” King said. “If I can’t play the [expletive] thing, I probably won’t buy it.”

The new system is also rumored to feature a new and improved version of Microsoft’s Kinect camera. Famous number-cruncher, Michael Pachter, believes that the console will also serve as a cable box. This falls in line with Microsoft’s recent Xbox push towards more media functions and less exclusive games.

The wound of the announcement is still fresh for many. More rumors and speculation are sure to appear before Microsoft makes their formal reveal of the console next month. Keep checking Laser Lemming for more news on this story as it develops.


The amount of sarcasm is high in this article! Hahaha, I had a good laugh. Thanks :) On a serious note, if it really has always-online drm I just won't get it (or I'll wait for the crackers/modders to help change that).


  1. […] to the dismay of millions, Microsoft went ahead with its new Xbox announcement today. The announcement has been nothing short […]


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